After dinner, Sarah and I walk aimlessly around Paris. We’re both satisfied from our meals so I don’t know if our silence is because of the lethargy from the curry or it’s just the quiet as the dust settles from our argument.
I’m pretty sure my peace offering worked and she’s no longer mad at me, so at least that’s one thing going right for me. It’s still cold so I turn up my collar on my trench coat. Sarah is two steps ahead of me. I follow with no intention to catch up. I’ve got to figure things out.
Why do I feel stuck? Jason will soon no longer be part of my life.
Do I love my job? Yes.
Can I move to Paris if I really wanted to? Technically, yes.
Am I scared? No….well, um, yes.
Do I really want Jason out of my life? No.
I’m angry at how I got here. I let someone else take control of my emotions and my decisions. Why am I so set on trying to make things work with Jason although he clearly is no longer in love with me? I know the answer.
Failure is not my forte. I may not have graduated class valedictorian like my curly-haired cousin walking ahead of me, but I learned early on that if I worked hard enough at something then I would succeed at it. I also learned that persistence eventually pays off. Finally, I know that wearing braces takes a lot of patience and that, no matter how traumatizing the process, the end result is no more buckteeth. I guess that’s the second thing going right for me – a straight (although very expensive) smile.
Paris lights shine brightly at night. I don’t even know where we are. I don’t think Sarah does either but either way it seems we’re both content just walking around. The twinkle of the lights mesmerizes me and at least, for now, the barrage of questions in my head is at a cease-fire. Paris is definitely a perfect distraction.
Man, I love this city.